Dino Bridge
We watched this documentary once, called the ‘Six Most Amazing Bridges in History’, or something like that. It showed how breakthrough technology in constructing one small bridge more than 200 years ago has enabled one game-changing bridge after another to span unthinkable distances since then.
Today, however, I’m celebrating the dinosaur bridge.
My son was coming to the end of two weeks of swimming lessons, which had been great, except for ‘the Stinker’. A younger kid and he had crossed each other on the first day, and then spent the next seven classes feeding their grudges as they flopped and flailed through their swimming strokes. We had suggested several strategies: avoiding, ignoring, talking, forgiving and forgetting, but each boy was sure the other had it in for him. My kid was not inclined to budge. He felt he was in the right, and his anger was justified. Sigh.
I’ve done some time on that rock of rightness, also. It feels so good to hold the high ground in a conflict … but my life gets quieter and colder the longer I stay there.
On Day 8, the Stinker’s parents made him apologize for something that had happened during the lesson, but things were far from resolved.
The next day, an idea came. I found a (not favourite) plastic dinosaur in a toy bin at home and made a suggestion. ‘Let’s experiment. I agree that you don´t have to tell the Stinker that you’re sorry if you haven´t done anything wrong. But let’s try to make a bridge. All you would have to do is give him this dinosaur and say, “I don’t want us to be enemies.” Do you think you can do that?’
Watching his face, I could see the idea going through several inner checkpoints. Finally, he exhaled and said, “yeah, I can do that… But am I free not to?”
I nodded yes, letting go of the outcome and assuming the risk.
So, we took it along to the pool. Curiously (dare I say providentially?), the changing room was empty except for the Stinker and his mom.
After a few tense seconds of indecision, he actually did it … and it actually worked. As that little dinosaur changed hands, it spanned a canyon of discord. The Stinker melted into a delighted, chatty Boy and my son became his hero for the day.
It’s not always a happy ending when we try to build bridges to each other, for sure, but one very small bridge today might enable a bigger, better one later on.
Andrea, January 2020
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My favorite part of the story was your son’s response to your suggestion…”Am I free not to?” and your letting go. You helped give him the space he needed to allow his own soul to lift him up.
What a great story…and great writing, Andrea! I, too, have been on that lonely, cold rock and so happy when a bridge has been made for me to cross.
The ‘About Us’ section talks of people willing to share “everyday life stories, with their passions and problems, along with the willingness to open them up vulnerably”. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here challenging me to think about the bridges I build or dismantle in my own life.
btw I was asked by reCAPTCHA to identify the images of “bridges”!!!
This is a really moving story, strikes me that often kids are willing and able to do things (in this case build a bridge) that often adults are unwilling or unable to do. As adults we need often enough to learn from kids. Thanks for the story.
I very much enjoyed the article, a great story, engaging and profound. Underneath the story I appreciate the level of communication you have with your son. Not always easy with older boys. Such dialogue reflects a beautiful closeness that must exist between the two of you. Thanks for letting us in.